Thanksgiving...Part 2

Can You not be Thankful on Thanksgiving?
I am really going to go out on a limb here and be not politically correct.
Besides the usual things, Home, Heath and Family, lets for a minute take all that away and then ask are we thankful for anything?
What I am thankful for right now, is that Thanksgiving is over.
After having a horrible Thanksgiving Day, that spilled into today, I don't feel much into the "Thanks" mood. Honestly, I despise that this time of year pushes us into feeling a certain way. Be Thankful. Be Joyous, Be giving, Give in the spirit of the season. Well I don't feel that way. And there is that part of me that is upset that I do feel that way.
Its kind of a drag when you "plan" things and they don't turn out. Seems to screw everything else up.
The second part to the last blog entry was a planned surprise party tonight, which had me thinking all day yesterday if I should tell my boyfriend about it. After the fiasco with the motorcycle. I kept thinking about the "intent" and more or less, the consequences of this had he got upset again. So I told him.
"No ,no no! " , which of course was what I suspected he was going to say. So this morning. made some calls and canceled the party. Thus . pretty much ruining my day, as I was looking forward to planning this little party.
So, does the intent switch? or is it still on me for not seeing this sooner before I planned this party? Is there any responsibly of the giver to step outside himself and be a good sport?
No.
Because he wont, not because he is a jerk. But because that's just the way he is. Selfish , yes.
I tried to think of times when I was put into positions of surprise and how I felt. I couldn't really think of any because I only had one surprise party and that was blown by someone who thought I knew, So I wasn't to surprised anymore. but I thought about how I would feel if I never found out that night. Thinking back to the place where it was, I was in high school, and when in high school, usually everyone shows up, so there were at least 70 people there. Had I walked into that room without knowing, I think I would have turned around and ran the right out the door. I am not sure if people really like to be surprised. Yea, a check for 20 grand is a nice surprise, but I am talking more about the party gig.
Ever see those big public marriage proposals on TV or at some sports event and the bride to be always has some look of hesitation on her face no matter how much she loves the guy?
My mother shared with me a story last night that completely blew me away, because I had no idea. She once planned one of the best surprise birthday parties for my father, invited the whole town, the house looked amazing, and when he walked in, everyone yelled "Surprise!", he looked happy , and did the whole party thing, I thought, I'm sure like the rest of the guests "what a great party". My mother went on to tell me that My father never forgave her for that, and to never do that to him again. That was the deciding factor in me telling my boyfriend of his party, I didn't want to risk him resenting me for something I already had a feeling he was going to hate, and after telling him, I saw the effect before the "cause".
I have to admit that I am somewhat miffed today about how all this went down. I mean I did have a whole day planned of planning and I thought about the others who were involved who may have been disappointed, but that didn't bother me so much because I knew, honestly they could take these things or leave them. That's just the kind of people we are around and that's fine.
So, I wonder what it is about the element of surprise that bothers some people. Is it the awkwardness? All the attention that is being placed on that particular person? There is a part of me that wonders where the fear or insecurity comes from? how easy it is for us to place that upon another person when we put them in a position of surprise and they have to deal with those fears.
Am I mad?
No, I was .
Disappointed?
Somewhat, but I'll get over it.