The Phoenix & The Harley

Friday, March 28, 2008

Can it Work.....????

This is a great time of year, with Easter and "lent". I think "lent" is such a great concept, while many focus a lot on "New Years" and "resolutions", to me, "lent" is really the time for change, so this year, after skipping many other "lents" I decided to do something and this is what I am going to do.

I have been seeing a lot of these books lately with the lines about changing "your thoughts" and it will change things in you and your life, most notably. "The Secret" and the one Oprah is pushing big time "The Key".

I didn't really much buy into this. I could go on and visualize for hours and days about having an new Escalade in my driveway and have yet to actually see it showing up.
It seems to way out there, and these books say it can and will happen, if you just "FEEL it". So, with that, I decided that I would try this as sort of an expirement/investigative type thing to see if it really works, because where I am and where I want to be are so far apart. It's almost to the point of why even bother with things anymore. And I have things I want to bother with. I don't want to give up, but I feel a bit trapped and don't see much, if any light at the end of this long tunnel that has been going on for years.

Now, I have FOUR things here that I am using as guide.
After much perusing of a few of "those" books, all different but with basically the same theme of "changing your thoughts". The one I choose, and will be using is "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting. "the astonishing power of feelings" , by Lynn Grabhorn, Tapes by Marianne Willison, a "gratitude journal", ( if all else fails, at least many people have said that works ) and St Rita, the saint of the Impossible.

I figure I will begin with what is happening or not happening. I grew up fairly well and now I pretty much live in a Trailer, with a guy who doesn't give much in the way of relationships. He much rather find a way to make a buck than to enjoy a minute with me, and I guess the way I feel, it doesn't much matter to me at this point, though I do love him in some strange way.
I have completely lost all sight of myself as a person, especially when I moved in here. The great clothes, shoes and various other items of my life are packed away in storage, there isn't much of who I am in this place. I miss being able to draw every night, and a day doesn't go by when I don't think about it. I seemed to have dropped the ball on anything that concerns my own work and spend most days cleaning and making dinner, I have become a maid. I miss getting out there and selling things like I had, and sorry that I let the ball drop when I got a chance to write for a small local magazine, I have a very bad back, that limits my mobility and makes me tired to go out and do things, but honestly, I am happy to try and find time to work on web sites and design.

I miss a lot of the events I used to attend, but again I get tired easy and its hot here most of the time, which I also cannot stand. I thought sharing this space would cut down on bills., but for some reason it seems more money is going out than being saved. Due to the smallness of the home, I am back to living in a mass of clutter, some mine, some his, despite the stuff in storage that costs me a ton each month. There are no friends, except for a few acquaintances that are seen every now and then and some event we attend on a very rare occasion,
I got myself a very small job a few hours a week, and although its a very limited time there, I can't stand just sitting in one place for hours doing nothing except to pick up the phone when it rings. I hate that every morning , I dread the day, because its just the same thing over and over. I swear, if there is such a thing as "psychic attacks" I am surely a target of someone's.
So, this is why I decided I would give this a try and see if there is any truth to this "thoughts are real" thing, after all, what is there to loose?

This is where I thought I would begin.
The easy things, like on the T.V....the news and bad shows that bring in negitive energy, forget all that, I don't want to listen to anymore.
Keep it neutral.

The next thing is food. I have never ate this badly ever, and I know a lot of it comes from having to cook for someone else now. One year for "Lent" I gave up every food that was "white" and felt great, now I eat horribly and also have to cut down on the red bull, I feel like I cant get any energy unless I drink it.
Exercise, that will come soon I hope.
Cleaning, not just this house, but one task to somehow get this mess in order so there may be a chance that I can work on my drawings.

So..I have been reading the book , flipping through pages and underlining some things that stood out.
I am randomly going to open up to one page and type out the first thing I see:
"Someone or something need only match you in frequency, and the attraction begins. Which event (event, person or circumstance) will get to you first? The one with the strongest intensity. And you will keep on attracting and merging, attracting and merging, attracting and merging, until you get so tired of the gloomy game, you eventually check out as Mrs T.did, Or you change your frequency. " -page 245

I listen to Marianne Williamson, because she just make so much sense, and it's just a great motivator.
As for St Rita, they say she is the Saint of the "impossible" so I keep her in my thoughts.

With this I am in hopes of having or getting to some kind of "plan" or at least some organization and hopefully myself back. I am not looking for complete happiness all the time, but I don't think anyone deserve to be this miserable.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Congratulations, Mr. Mayer

Congratulations, Mr. Mayer,
You have now placed yourself within the ranks of the currant media "train wreaks". What album sales are not so good anymore so you have to resort to this type of public crap?
[as posted on his public blog from a news link ]
http://blog.honeyee.com/john/archives/2008/03/love_by_john_ma.html

"Love, By John Mayer"
March 02, 2008
[[quote ]] "I was sitting in the airport lounge this morning when I started scribbling out lyrics and such...Don't read too far into this on a personal level. (There are no hidden messages)... I just thought it sums up how crazy love can be."[[end quote ]]

lyrics??, um no, that doesn't look like any lyrics, it looks like a letter to someone on your blog. "no hidden message"? , yes that is pretty clear, maybe you are the only hidden message... a freak.

[[quote ]]"Dear Ex Lover, Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore. I don't know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I'm done trying. I hope this is enough closure for you. Goodbye.
P.S. If you need me, you know how to find me." [[end quote]]

So, since there are no comments allowed on your blog, here let me "spell it out" for you.

Your a complete self centered JERK, never much liked your music anyway, though it seems that had taken a back seat to your new way of seeking media attention.

And honestly, where is compassion to the person you wrote this too? Since the media that originally posed it made a list of whom it could be about.

AND...after you so simplistically state you wish nothing to do with the person, you give a P.S. on where to find you if they "need" you? Surely contradicting yourself. Go get a grip on something, besides yourself and bashing your ex-girlfriends openly.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Women & the relationships that we have or better yet, the lack thereof....

I got to thinking about Women and the relationships that we have or better yet, the lack thereof. I am one of those women that don't particularly like other women that I don't know and are extremely cautious of the ones I do know. There seems to be a striking difference between the relationships that men have with other men and the ones that women have with women. Men seem to hold their friendships with other men much longer than women do. I have never seen a man get "jealous" of another man.
The movie "mean girls" really sums up in the most honest way about the female to female relationships. In all honestly, I don't for a minute believe that even the best of friends do not have a tendency to want to, or will screw another women over had they the chance.
It just seems to be in their make-up and hormones. Sexist? maybe, but true.

Look at Young Hollywood, girls that pretty much all have the same things, and yet they can't seem to play nice with each other, usually like the rest of us , the feuds happen over some guy, or something they "think" was said. That's the thing with women and the other big difference over men, Women run their mouths, about everything. They never shut the hell up. And a lesson I learned a long time ago is if someone is talking crap to you about someone else, they are doing the same thing to you.
I try not to get involved in other women's "stuff", it bores me and I try and stay above it. yet, I do find myself , surprisingly just as bitchy as the rest.

Perhaps it comes from years of being screwed over by many women I thought were friends when I believed I was loyal to them . I quickly found out all the things they really thought about me, despite being in the most popular cliques in high school and collage. Isn;t it funny that you always seem to find out at some point what was said? It may take months, weeks , even a year, but it can still manage to run your whole day.
Now, I know this all sounds like I am bitter and writing out about bad experiences that happened to me that made me feel this way, and maybe some of it is, but essentially its really about "mean girls". Even women I don't know, whom I randomly bump into at the supermarket with a cart and turn around in a snit mumbling "bitch" under their breath, even before I could get out an "excuse me".
I had an experience with a women who is married to a friend of my boyfriend, whom wasted no time in telling me of "his" past. I could see the sadistic pleasure she was getting in telling me these things, and of course gave me the classic "please don't say I said anything". And I never did. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of running back to my boyfriend and "confronting" him with what she said. It was more worth it to let her stew on it and wonder than me taking her anticipated action.

What really came of this is a dislike of a women that at first I thought was alright. I vowed I would forgive her but I would not forget her, and I did, until last weekend when I had to see her again at a party. She approached me with the same ole "fake" act , which gave me the moment I wanted . To completely blow her off, and when I did, she immediately switched to this narrowed eyed bitch, her true self. Its amazing that women can do that so easily, myself included. I don't like it, but it happens.

Maybe bitchiness is the "in" thing now among women. There is a constant battle within out own self's to look better, feel better, act better, thinner, and smarter than the other. There is even a running commercial of a girl on her cell to another girl, and saying "did you see what she was wearing"? Only fueling the fires of constant bitchiness to each other...to be contunued..

Sunday, February 24, 2008

"These are pants right out of my closet...I don't partake into that who are you wearing crap... for the red carpet" -Julie Christie

When asked what she was wearing by a reporter.
She already won the award for that Comment.

MY PREDICTIONS: