Can it Work.....????

This is a great time of year, with Easter and "lent". I think "lent" is such a great concept, while many focus a lot on "New Years" and "resolutions", to me, "lent" is really the time for change, so this year, after skipping many other "lents" I decided to do something and this is what I am going to do.

I have been seeing a lot of these books lately with the lines about changing "your thoughts" and it will change things in you and your life, most notably. "The Secret" and the one Oprah is pushing big time "The Key".

I didn't really much buy into this. I could go on and visualize for hours and days about having an new Escalade in my driveway and have yet to actually see it showing up.
It seems to way out there, and these books say it can and will happen, if you just "FEEL it". So, with that, I decided that I would try this as sort of an expirement/investigative type thing to see if it really works, because where I am and where I want to be are so far apart. It's almost to the point of why even bother with things anymore. And I have things I want to bother with. I don't want to give up, but I feel a bit trapped and don't see much, if any light at the end of this long tunnel that has been going on for years.

Now, I have FOUR things here that I am using as guide.
After much perusing of a few of "those" books, all different but with basically the same theme of "changing your thoughts". The one I choose, and will be using is "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting. "the astonishing power of feelings" , by Lynn Grabhorn, Tapes by Marianne Willison, a "gratitude journal", ( if all else fails, at least many people have said that works ) and St Rita, the saint of the Impossible.

I figure I will begin with what is happening or not happening. I grew up fairly well and now I pretty much live in a Trailer, with a guy who doesn't give much in the way of relationships. He much rather find a way to make a buck than to enjoy a minute with me, and I guess the way I feel, it doesn't much matter to me at this point, though I do love him in some strange way.
I have completely lost all sight of myself as a person, especially when I moved in here. The great clothes, shoes and various other items of my life are packed away in storage, there isn't much of who I am in this place. I miss being able to draw every night, and a day doesn't go by when I don't think about it. I seemed to have dropped the ball on anything that concerns my own work and spend most days cleaning and making dinner, I have become a maid. I miss getting out there and selling things like I had, and sorry that I let the ball drop when I got a chance to write for a small local magazine, I have a very bad back, that limits my mobility and makes me tired to go out and do things, but honestly, I am happy to try and find time to work on web sites and design.

I miss a lot of the events I used to attend, but again I get tired easy and its hot here most of the time, which I also cannot stand. I thought sharing this space would cut down on bills., but for some reason it seems more money is going out than being saved. Due to the smallness of the home, I am back to living in a mass of clutter, some mine, some his, despite the stuff in storage that costs me a ton each month. There are no friends, except for a few acquaintances that are seen every now and then and some event we attend on a very rare occasion,
I got myself a very small job a few hours a week, and although its a very limited time there, I can't stand just sitting in one place for hours doing nothing except to pick up the phone when it rings. I hate that every morning , I dread the day, because its just the same thing over and over. I swear, if there is such a thing as "psychic attacks" I am surely a target of someone's.
So, this is why I decided I would give this a try and see if there is any truth to this "thoughts are real" thing, after all, what is there to loose?


This is where I thought I would begin.
The easy things, like on the T.V....the news and bad shows that bring in negitive energy, forget all that, I don't want to listen to anymore.
Keep it neutral.

The next thing is food. I have never ate this badly ever, and I know a lot of it comes from having to cook for someone else now. One year for "Lent" I gave up every food that was "white" and felt great, now I eat horribly and also have to cut down on the red bull, I feel like I cant get any energy unless I drink it.
Exercise, that will come soon I hope.
Cleaning, not just this house, but one task to somehow get this mess in order so there may be a chance that I can work on my drawings.

So..I have been reading the book , flipping through pages and underlining some things that stood out.
I am randomly going to open up to one page and type out the first thing I see:
"Someone or something need only match you in frequency, and the attraction begins. Which event (event, person or circumstance) will get to you first? The one with the strongest intensity. And you will keep on attracting and merging, attracting and merging, attracting and merging, until you get so tired of the gloomy game, you eventually check out as Mrs T.did, Or you change your frequency. " -page 245

I listen to Marianne Williamson, because she just make so much sense, and it's just a great motivator.
As for St Rita, they say she is the Saint of the "impossible" so I keep her in my thoughts.

With this I am in hopes of having or getting to some kind of "plan" or at least some organization and hopefully myself back. I am not looking for complete happiness all the time, but I don't think anyone deserve to be this miserable.